Life is full of missed opportunities, and those missed opportunities can make us feel the sting of regret. But what if we don’t indulge in the disappointment regret brings. What if we just indulge in the what ifs, leaving regret behind, where it belongs.

Whether our what ifs arise from decisions we’ve made in the past or from the impact others have had on our lives, the what ifs are real. Whether they are positive or negative, the impact can either be empowering or haunting. I guess it’s up to us to decide. If we ask ourselves the question what if, what will we do with the possible answers? Would it enhance our lives in any way to know the truth? I’ll go first, just for the fun of it, leaving my regrets in the past.

What if I was the first born in my family instead of the third? What if I was never teased as a child? What if I went to private school? What if I never tried a cigarette? What if I took a corporate job, never got married, never had children? What if I never took the time to listen to my grandmother’s life stories? What if I had more friends as an adult? What if I hadn’t exercised my whole life? What if I truly believed in myself? What if I never felt like I had to be more, all the time?

Most of my what ifs have fairly accessible answers, but still, it’s all speculation. I would most likely be a different person if I had been born first; typical first-born traits include being outspoken, stubborn, and independent – I am none of those things. If I had never been teased in grade school, I’d most likely be more confident, more secure in my abilities. If I had gone to private school, I wouldn’t have had all the wonderful friends I made in high school, and quite possibly, would not have been a part of such competitive and successful field hockey and softball teams. Smoking cigarettes seems like a typical rite of passage for most kids, so having my first one in middle school didn’t affect me one way or another, unless you factor in any peer pressure I felt, which links directly to me believing in myself.

If I had the desire to work in corporate America, I think I would have been successful, but would I have been happy? If I had never gotten married or had children, I am certain that my life would have been depleted in some way, because I am positive that I was meant to be a wife and mother. If I hadn’t spent so much time with my grandmothers, I would have never understood how women who lived through the great depression struggled to not only survive but thrive. If I had more friends over the years, I wouldn’t have spent so much time with my husband or children, which would be bad, but maybe having more personal contacts would have enriched me in some way I am unaware of. I wouldn’t be as healthy as I am if I hadn’t exercised my whole life, but I also wouldn’t be so tied to the way I look, and so obsessed with staying in shape.

And now for the last two – what if I always believed in myself and never felt like I had to be more, all the time? Would that mean I would have been a more well-adjusted human, more comfortable with myself? Would that mean I would not have aspired to do the things in life that have meant so much to me like being a stay-at-home mom and sharing my thoughts with you all through this blog? And what about my aspirations to be an author? Would I have written any children’s books (one close to being published), or a novel that I never thought I’d write? (Shameless plug for my first novel – links below.)

I am not a first born, and I admit to questioning my abilities, but somehow, deep down, I am driven to push on through life’s difficulties. But that drive can complicate my life. Striving to be better can be debilitating. It can freeze me in place. But for some reason, don’t ask me how, I can battle my ugly pursuit of excellence so that I come out on top, at least some of the time. So much soul searching has to take place to reign this wonderful ugly in, and I realize now that I need to do whatever I’m doing for myself – I can’t just pursue something to please others. Admitting that doesn’t make me selfish, it makes me whole.

I realize I can’t change the things I’ve chosen in the past. I know I can’t change the way I was treated by others, but what I can do now is try, intently try, to make better choices for myself in the day-to-day. I can use my memories for good. I can put myself in uncomfortable situations with the intent that I will feel more fulfilled. If I didn’t, if I did – how about if I do. If I do this now, whatever it is, how will it affect my relationships, my life, today? I deserve to ask myself the what ifs about my present, because I want to live fully in my present which sets me up to live more fully in my future.

Try it… ask yourself the what if questions, just don’t let regret slip in and suck the life out of you. Remember, the past is merely a guide; the present is where we live now. I want to live as fully as I can right now, and I am guessing you do as well. Use your what ifs for good. Use them to remind you that you are who you are because of them; the good and the bad. Whether you are a believer that things happen for a reason or not, you are still you… you are worthwhile, important, and valuable.

Links to novel, Imperfectly Perfect, by K.G. Milewski:

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/imperfectly-perfect-k-g-milewski

https://www.amazon.com/Imperfectly-Perfect-K-G-Milewski

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Imperfectly-Perfect-Paperback-9798990088702/7899321457?from=/search