Sometimes, when I’m outside working on the landscape, my mind wanders. Oh, who am I kidding – my mind has a tendency to wander whether I’m outside or not. Sometimes it wanders to the good, and sometimes it takes a dive, wandering to the bad. Today wasn’t really good or bad; it just was what it was, and I rolled along with it.

I traveled back to the days of playing high school field hockey for my infamous coach, Vi Goodnow. It struck me that I was now possibly close to the age she was when she died. I thought about her life and the accomplishments she had during her time on this earth. For those who played for her, she was revered, and I know we all played our hardest to live up to her standards.

Then my mind wandered over to my English teacher, Mr. Bill Steinecke, a close friend of Vi’s, and how he died young as well. I deeply respected both of these people, and I believe that both of them saw something in me, something special, something I did not see at the time.

I went from thoughts of Vi and Bill to God, the Almighty, and I thought He made me the way I am for a reason. He gave me many talents. I believe I can do many things pretty well – but I’ve always wanted to be great at something. Then I went there – I went to my writing. I went to the place I shouldn’t necessarily go; I wondered why it seemed so hard to be more successful. I actually thought, instead of just praying to be published, I really should have prayed to be a best-seller. Did you know that being specific about your prayers is extremely important. God doesn’t have time to mess around; He can’t always be doing all the work for us.

And then I thought, I really should trust that He made me just the way he wanted me to be. And in particular, maybe, just maybe, if only one person in need – one person who reads something I’ve written gets something from it – well, maybe that’s enough. What if someone was on the ledge, and what if what I wrote walked them off that ledge. What if I changed someone’s mindset, encouraged someone, lifted someone up, gave them a reason to believe again. What if I am not meant to be a best-seller. What if I’m on this earth to make what might seem like a very small contribution to someone’s else’s life? Would that be satisfying enough? Would it be enough to never know?

So, here I am. It’s Tuesday. I’ve mowed my little lawn, pruned some trees, weeded the bumper crop, exercised, enjoyed coffee with my husband, and watched a little tennis and it’s only 1 p.m. Oh, and I’ve written this blog post because I needed to. I needed to remind myself that I love to write, and it shouldn’t matter who sees it. I guess I share my thoughts because I believe I can’t be the only one who has thoughts like these. It’s okay, I know. I’ll keep plugging along because I can’t help but write. I’m actually excited to find that small voice in me again that wants to write short posts. I’ve missed that since I’ve been focused on bigger writing projects.

This morning, my random wandering led me to this post. My mind traveled from weeds to people I admire, to wondering why, to God, landing gracefully on listening to that voice deep within me – the voice that tells me to be satisfied with who I am and what I’m putting out into the world.

The day is still young. It’s too hot to continue to work outside, so, instead, I will do some editing, and then finish the day out in the pool, floating in a giant river raft next to my husband, with a cold rum drink in hand, and I will remind myself that I am right where God wants me to be.